I remember the week before Azi (our second baby) was born, very vividly. Not only was I scared and dreading giving birth, but I was mostly worried about leaving Miri, our then 12 month old, to go to the hospital. I had had only one, short year alone with her, and time was going way too quickly.
You know, toward the end of a pregnancy, when you convince yourself that every day is “the day”? Well, every night from 37+ weeks I would put Miri to sleep like the next time I was going to see her, we would have another baby with us.
I trained her to cuddle with me at bedtime. Like I basically forced her, and I’m not upset about it. And I treasured those cuddles more than a pot of gold. So much so that I had Adam stand at the door, so she wouldn’t get distracted, and take pictures of us snuggling in her chair. The pictures aren’t the best quality, but I’m so grateful I have them.
I would say that bringing a new baby home from the hospital will affect every family differently, based on the ages of the other children in the home. Miri was so young (literally 12 months and 2 weeks, to the day) when Azi came around, that her life went on as scheduled. There was just another “toy” in the house for her to play with, and this toy made lots of noise!
Regardless of age, there are few, key pieces of advice I would give that will help all families when bringing a new child into the home:
1. Carry on as normal
Your lives were “normal” before the baby came, but life with multiples is your “new normal”. Try to stick to your older child’s schedule as much as possible, keeping the people in and out of the house, as well as regularly-scheduled activities, the same. This will help your oldest to realize that while there is a new character on the show, the main event will go on, and their worlds aren’t being turned completely upside down.
2. Spend time alone with your oldest
This might go without saying, but spend AT LEAST 15 minutes a day completely alone with your older child(ren). I mean, no phone, no newborn, no distractions! This can be 1:1 time with just mom or dad and the child or BOTH parents and the oldest — even better!
3. Be realistic
Know that things ARE going to change. It may now take you 45 minutes to get out of the house instead of 20, so budget time for that. This was probably our biggest thing when going from 1 to 2, is that everything took sooo much longer.
It does get easier as they get older, but imagine having 2 babies who can’t walk in the middle of winter — and if you’ve been there, cheers mama! You can also know that, from here on out, every time you are privileged to only take one kid out of the house, it will feel like you’re going through a stroll through Target…almost.
4. Accept helping hands
Never turn a helping hand away. But make sure that your visitors are making time for your other children as well. It’s human nature to want to hold a baby and ooh and ahh, but it can be really difficult for the older child if they aren’t getting attention from guests as well.
You can talk to close friends and family about this before they come over. And for everyone else, you can make sure to praise the older sibling in front of the guests AND in front of the child.
5. Keep chuggin’
Days will be hard. Nights will be harder. But the years are short, and they seriously fly by. I can’t believe I’m about to have a 2 and a 3 yr old in the next couple of months.
Those days when we were 2 under 1 are a blur because many of the days we were just doing what we could to survive. But the hard times will pass, and in between those hard times there are fleeting moments of pure joy. Like when you see the little people you created holding hands, kissing each other or giggling together.
Those fleeting moments make it all worth it. And it’s worth it to mention that while it does “get easier”. But let’s just be honest here, being a parent at every age is HARD. This particularly hard time in parenthood does pass, and then you can focus on creating beautiful memories with your new family unit. And eventually, there will come a time when you can hardly imagine that the new tiny human was once just a twinkle in your eyes.
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