I’m so excited to introduce my FIRST of, hopefully, many guest posts. Gila Glassberg is an Intuitive Eating RD who “helps women break away from diet culture and heal their relationship with food”. We talk about anxiety a lot here, and I’m really excited to share her beautifully composed “anxiety process” with you.
The Anxiety Trap: A Process
Anxiety is an old friend of mind.
I lie in bed wondering if the food was put away after spending hours cooking it- why are you here, what are you trying to teach me?
Will I enjoy Shabbos (the Sabbath) away or not – why can’t I just be relaxed and spontaneous?
And how about public speaking – what am I so afraid of – other people hearing my thoughts? Messing up. I don’t want to be afraid but my body is pulsing and feeding me a strong message of danger. My brain is on and telling me it’s okay and nothing bad will happen but I can’t ignore the direct experience of my body.
The fear of trying so hard and not getting the recognition. The money. The fame. The people liking me. Validation. Lots of people liking me. Why do I need that when the only people that matter do like me because they chose me. Or even if they didn’t choose me, they still do love me. That I know for sure.
Anxiety, you are so tricky. You are such a loyal friend too.
Instagram is a great place for you to reside. How many people saw me? Liked me. Shared me. Thought of me.
How many people do I compete with? Who do I level up with?
Leveling up – that’s a good one.
Is there even such a thing as leveling up?
Will my clients like me? Did I say the right thing? Do the right thing. How do I know?
What about stating my truth? Being assertive. Calling someone else out when appropriate. Standing up for myself.
Having company. Is my house clean enough? Is the food good enough? Is the presentation good enough? Is there enough? Am I enough?
Can I hire someone to be me just for a few hours to take a break from these debilitating thoughts.
I’ve never been able to do that but it sounds really nice.
And guess what, at the end of the day, I can hear someone else sharing these same anxieties, and I am separate. I can’t relate. Of course I can relate but I don’t know why they are so scared. They are so beautiful. They are so smart. They are so human. I love them and nothing else. Why can’t I love me for me and nothing else? What am I so afraid of?
The anxiety trap. I hate you, and you are my best friend. My only friend. My loyal friend. My always friend. My teacher. You teach me a lot. You teach me all. You are not separate from me, AND I must separate from you sometimes. You are my mirror. My true self. My core self. But I can ask you to step aside right now – because Anxiety, I got this.
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