Jerusalem, if I forget you: A mother’s trip for spiritual guidance

A huge shoutout to Nessie Photography, Daniella Faye and Makeup by Sarah A for their collaboration on the beautiful photos for this post. They are beautiful memories that I will now have forever.

“What? You’re going to Israel? BY YOURSELF?!” — the most common reaction I received when I told friends and acquaintances that I was going to Israel for a week. Even more so when they found out I was leaving my husband and kids at home in Chicago…

Let’s rewind. Why I went:

For several months prior, I found myself dreading Shabbos. Yes, I said dreading. Shabbos (The Jewish Sabbath) is a pillar of Judaism. As Orthodox Jews, every day of the week is really just one day closer to the Holy Shabbos. And as someone who chose the Orthodox Jewish lifestyle for herself, it was incredibly painful for me to feel this way. 

After talking to other Jewish moms, I realized that I’m not the only one who struggles with Shabbos. Kids are tough. And it can be really hard to be with your kids for 25, straight hours with nowhere to go and zero distractions. So, yes. Over the last couple of years, I found that I sort of lost my joy of Shabbos. It’s like it had been ripped away from me and dragged through the mud by a couple of toddlers. 

As mothers, our avodah (duty) to G-d is very different than it was when we were single. And as a woman who became religious later on in life, I feel that there is a lack of guidance for young moms about how to still feel connected to G-d while we’re up to our eyeballs in poop, vomit and tantrums. So I think, over time, I kind of forgot why I chose to become religious, as well as what I love so much about Judaism and the positive impact it’s had on my life.

So I went back to where it all started.

I initially decided that Orthodox Judaism was the religious path for me on my first trip to Israel. The land, the people — just being in the holy city of Jerusalem makes me feel connected and spiritually uplifted. So my husband and I decided that I would go back to the place that sparked this light for me. For a refresh and a reset of sorts. Did I mention that my husband is a real mentsch for holding down the fort in my absence? There’s no way I would’ve been able to do this without his full support.

What I did there:

This trip was a bit of a detox from social media and blog posting. I really took a break to focus on myself and my spiritual health and growth. 

The first thing I always do when I get to Israel is go to the Kotel (the Western Wall). I get goosebumps every time. The history and the kedusha (holiness) that is there is unbelievable. 

I spent a good amount of time at the school that I went to in Har Nof, Jerusalem. I had some inspiring meetings with my teachers, and I got to sit in on classes. This is the first time I’ve been able to do anything like this since I got married. So it was really special for me to be back.

I know that getting advice from my teachers is integral to getting back on track, and I am so grateful for their guidance and support. It felt amazing to be in school, a place that truly shaped me into the woman I am today. Being there helped me remember who I really am.

Of course, I couldn’t come home empty-handed. I spent a good amount of time in Geula and Mea Shearim doing shopping for the fam. I bought Miri her first siddur, which was really special for me to get in Israel. Azi is all set for his upsherin (3 year old, first haircut) next year with new kippahs, and Adam got 2 lbs. of dried strawberries from the shuk (his favorite). My bag was 46 lbs. (yes, really heavy) on the way there, and a whopping 60 lbs. on the way home. I lived in Israel for a year, and my bag has never been so heavy! But it was important to me that I bring back spiritual (and delicious) reminders of this trip, so the overweight baggage fee was worth it.

I got to spend a relaxing Shabbos with one of my best friends who lives in the Dagan, a suburb of Efrat. It was soo hard to be away from my family over Shabbat, but her family was so welcoming, that I wouldn’t have wanted to be anywhere else.

I totally almost forgot to mention that I basically did a “food tour de Israel” as well. I hit up all of my old, favorite stomping grounds, and I even tried some new eats. Did you think that this mama wouldn’t find some way to eat allllll the good food? I didn’t think so. 

But how would I “take Israel home” with me?

I’m so grateful that Nessie reached out to me about doing a photoshoot together while I was in Israel. As I mentioned, the Old City and the Kotel are my favorite places in Israel, and I jumped at the opportunity to have some special moments frozen in time there.

Aside from pictures I also took a lot of notes. I carried around a sweet, little notebook in my bag, and I made sure to write down my daily goals, as well as any important information from my meetings.

My teacher told me that our heads are always clearer and on straighter when we’re in Israel. So it’s important to write down our thoughts and feelings before they get muddled up by the craziness of America. Especially because I was there without distractions (aka my homegrown zoo), I was able to see things in a different light, and open my eyes and heart to advice I might not have otherwise.

One final thought.

Before I got married and had kids, I was very connected to the daily prayers that we say each day. There are different guidelines about what prayers are required (or not required) of mothers when we have to care for our children. So over the past three years, I really let go of my daily davening (praying). I always justified it that it was because of my kids and that I “didn’t have to” because I was a mother with little babies. 

But what I didn’t realize is that, for me, davening is one of the aspects of Judaism that helps me feel most connected. And that I had lost sight of my priorities in the chaos of kids, work and other distractions. 

When I was in Israel two weeks ago, I was able to really take time to properly daven multiple times, everyday. And while that may not be realistic for me to do at home, I’ve decided to prioritize prayer again– something I haven’t done for a couple of years now. I announced it to my husband and kids, so that they can not only hold me accountable, but so we can set a precedent in our home — mommy davens before we start our day. And this is one of the biggest changes I have brought home with me from this trip. I truly hope that I will be able to keep it up, and that it will alter the mood and spiritual health of my family.

so if you’ve made it this far…

Thank you for reading. It was a monumental trip for me as a Jewish woman, wife and mother, and I am thankful I have a platform to share it with all of you. I hope that if you feel you’re losing sight of who you are, that you are able to take time to re-discover what makes you you. 

While I realize that not everyone will be so fortunate to take off to Israel for a week (or something similar), I believe it is still so important to do an occasional check-in with yourself. When you sense that something is off, I hope that you will have the support to seek out guidance and advice to find your inner balance. And I hope that this community we’ve created here, is a place that makes you feel that you’re never alone.

Until next time. XO, Alyssa

Use code: ALYSSA10 at Daniella Faye to get 10% off of your purchase. I’m pretty obsessed with the silver maxi dress, if I do say so myself.

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