A Jewish Mother’s Letter to Her Son The night before his first hair cut

It is our family’s Jewish custom to wait until a young boy’s 3rd birthday to cut his hair for the first time. This momentous haircut is called an Upsherin. Tonight begins Azi’s Hebrew birthday, and his English birthday is on Friday (January 17th). So we are choosing to cut his hair tonight, as his Hebrew birthday begins.

Let’s back up. I NEVER thought that G-d would bless me with a BLONDE child. Both my husband and I have dark brown hair, so I just never pictured my children with blonde hair (and blue eyes!). But alas! Azi continues to surprise us every day, and he is as blonde-haired and blue-eyed as they come. I could go on for days about how beautiful, special, sensitive, adorable, fluffy and cuddly both Azi and his hair are. His hair has become a total part of his personality. From the craziness when he wakes up, to the serious air time it gets when he jumps, I love every single one of the thin hairs on his head. And I know this all sounds crazy, but it’s kind of like, “you have to be his mother to understand”, but I think you get the point. 

I love his hair.

Although he really doesn’t have very much hair, like many 3 year old boys do when they get their haircuts, I’m still very much attached. With this hair cut, I feel like I’m losing the last bit of Azi that makes him a baby. Miri was only the “baby” in our family for 12 months until Azi came around. So Azi has been our baby for 3 years now, and as he gets older, it’s harder for me to accept that he’s growing up.

As a mom, there is nothing more rewarding than seeing your children learn, grow, try new things and turn into the amazing little people that we pray they will be. But change is hard, and I get sad when I think about how I’ll never get this time back.

So as I get ready to encourage my son to become a part of G-d’s Army, as he puts on his tzistzis and kippah, I have to feel my loss and sadness on the inside, and be outwardly all smiles. Because the next step of his life that is about to begin is truly wonderful, exciting and a huge blessing, and I want him to know only that. I am there to support HIM and make HIM feel better, loved and cared for. Not the other way around. But my feelings are valid, mostly rational and they need to be felt. And so I write…

Dear Azi, 

My sweet, sweet baby. Do you have any idea how much I love you? No, it would be impossible for you to understand. Your neshama (soul) is so bright, pure and good. I’ve known that since the moment you were born. It radiates through your baby blue eyes, when you run around and scream and when you give me kisses and hugs. Oh and your hugs. I can feel the love running through your skinny, little body. I pray, every single day, that your goodness will always be so pure, and that it continues to grow.

So on this day, as we prepare to cut off the only thing that remains from the time you were born, you’re starting a new chapter. A big boy chapter. But I’ll be here with you, every step of the way. With your kippah, tzistzis and peyos, may you always remember that G-d is in charge. That He is the One who runs the world, and He is always with you, no matter where you are or what you’re doing.

I can’t wait to watch you learn even more Torah than you already know. To listen to you as you learn more brachos (blessings) than just for the Chanukah menorah and washing your hands. But most of all, I can’t wait to see you wear your Jewish pride on your head and the four corners of your shirts, where everyone can see. And I am SO proud. 

Now I know you’re only turning 3, not 13. And I know that your tantrums, picky eating habits and missing the toilet when you pee aren’t going to vanish overnight. But it starts today. I hope your new “do” helps you to be a Kiddush Hashem, from the time you wake up until the time you go to sleep. I can’t wait to see the big mitzvah boy you will grow up to be. And never forget, you will always be my baby. 

Love, Mommy